Goose Has Finally Embraced Her Inner Lupee
I must confess to all of you fellow Aviators. I was wrong. Not just a little wrong. Totally wrong.
Presidente Lupees is a genius and I was wrong and selfish for ever doubting him. I, QS Goose, do solemnly pledge to take the time to revamp this satire blog and make it an anti-management blog from here on out. It has become clear to me since February that the current COMPANY weedership is on a doomsday spiral of ever more anti-union and anti-union rights actions that will eventually impact all trade unionists on the property. If you got yours, the COMPANY weedership is coming after it. The COMPANY weedership wants you to do more with less, for less. The COMPANY weedership hates you and your mother. It is so obvious that if the COMPANY weedership could sell your mother for a 4% margin then they would!
Over the last several weeks the Lupees Wolf Pack has educated me with the same precision of an SS Deathsquad and the same tact as a latin junta or bitter academy dropout. They have sent Pepe Le Tool, Don Wenny, Unfitness for Doodies program sponsor Roundbush, Angry Britney, Ramone Tooty-Fruity, and others out to help me re-remember what did not happen and remind me of what I misremembered. Thank goodness for the echo chamber.
It was finally the call from Eee Dee Pee Jimmy that got me over the hump. He spent 250 hours this week, on the union dime, illuminating the way and showing me the errors of my past. Finally, he read me in on Lord Lupees' strategery for ensuring job security for himself and his loyal minions. I am totally in, and I fully expect to be appointed to a duty of high-dues-dollar responsibility once this is all over and the final solution has been applied. The key to the strategy is one dozen simple ideas: Solidarity, Honor, Integrity, Transparency, Support, Autonomy, Numbers, Dominate, Withholding, Inflexibility, Can-Do, and Hell.
The concept is so simple and delicious, I ate it all up and when I work out I sweat little drops of Lupees.
Lord Lupees' Strategy: YUM!
Solidarity: We are going to organize everything we can under the current company weedership. It's so simple. If we secure a large, permanent increase for everyone else, then when it's our turn, there will be plenty of money left over! Don't worry, after the COMPANY weedership is forced to shut down all the smaller organized functions, we can divide up what's left. We can even use the iPads to act as virtual Flight Attendants, Virtual Dispatchers, and Virtual maintenance controllers. It will work great, it's all in our interest, and has an added bonus of making Lord Lupees the undisputed King Of Organizing. Solidarity means that we separated from a national union with conflicts of interest with us so that we could in turn support those whose interests conflict with us.
Honor: We must honor our fathers. All of our STRONG UNION fathers and mother have told us that we do not know what we are doing, and they are right. Thinking exclusively from the customer's point of view can only lead to more business for the COMPANY weedership, more revenue fore the weedership to keep for demselves, and more airplanes that will require more stupid pilots. Thank goodness that our STRONG UNION fathers and mother are here to set us straight! In fact, it makes perfect sense that Bend Over is giving us good advice, because he in NO WAY could be working for the competition and in NO WAY is trying to peel off high-value customers and harm US, right? No way! And the former VC? He definitely wants whats best for us - - - DEFINITELY! No bitterness or hard feelings whatsoever, and Lord Lupees is far to intelligent to get played, or paid, right? Ab-so-lutely! Honor means knowing when to shut up and tow the line of those who really know how to bring the COMPANY to her knees.
Integrity: This whole thing where we don't get a fair say and the SU Fathers and Mother will just decide to re-write and re-interpret the law and do the right thing is totally legitimate. I would not trust me to vote. EDP Jimmy explained the whole thing. The boss appoints replacements who help appoint replacements to the boss and they all decide to use one different part of the law to interpret another and decide FOR all of us if an issue raised by another part of the law can or should be decided by us. That seems fair, for sure. It's not like the number of us who wanted to vote is very close, percentage-wise, to the number of us who elected Lord Lupee. Follow? Makes sense to me. Totally high integrity and worth every dues dollar. Integrity means sticking together, through thick and thin, regardless of what the rules say.
Transparency: Take my word for it. I went back and reviewed every piece of Lord Lupee's communication to me and it was all 100% truthful, well-done, and in fairness to all of us. There is no corporate campaign at work. No lies by omission, no grotesque exaggerations, no total misconceptions, and no bad strategic decisions made based on information from fired executives. It's all legit. Transparency means keep the reactive strategy going, there's no plans to see here, so don't even ask.
The first four concepts stand alone, and whet my appetite for what's coming.
Support: Support means helping the COMPANY weedership compete against cheap charter by continuously reminding the customers that they pay a premium for the inflexibility and premium wages that come with cumbersome, hard-fought contracts. Picket signs, billboards, banners towed behind airplanes all give customers that "my pilots are here for me" feeling and really add to top-line revenue. I asked why we were engaged in economic warfare when demand is declining and we needed more customers, not less, and the blank stare of confidence I received in response was all i needed. Plus he murmured something about needing respect. I am all in. Support means lighting my career on fire for another groups fight.
Autonomy: This one is so simple, I can't believe I missed it. Autonomy means having the power to extend the voting timeline when you need to, putting things up for a vote when you don't have the balls to agree to it yourself, and refusing to put something out for a vote when you are afraid the outcome will harm your interests.
Numbers: The Numbers Principle is simple - if we have all the power we don't need any numbers. We also don't need to discuss real numbers with COMPANY weedership and we can use our industry contacts of former COMPANY weedership who now want to bring the COMPANY down to fill us in. I think we should cancel the confidentiality agreements again. We have the power we need, we don't need any numbers.
Dominate: The Wolf Pack helped me to understand the Dominate Principle. If we dominate internal communications and intimidate our enemies it's a win-win. We run off the smart people who are too intelligent to spend personal time wrestling with our small numbers and we permanently harm our ability to maintain unity going forward. Check out the profile of our leading supporters... in need of your vote of confidence.
Don't worry, it only LOOKS like a horse's ass is running.
Withholding: The withholding principle means using the power of small numbers to make big decisions, in spite of existing investment policies. Such as buying a $120,000 share of a company with dues funds when and $80 share gets you the same rights. It also means hiding the secret we know what is in your best interests strategy from everyone else. EDP Jimmy and Pepe Le Tool assured me we would be well represented at the shareholder's meeting:
A Dry Run of Our "Questions From The Floor" Campaign.
What, you didn't know? Withholding in progress. Don't worry, we know what's best.
Inflexibility: Inflexibility means using the power we've wrestled to ignore the fact that the world around us is changing, and confidently burying our head in the sand while claiming we're breathing clean air and everyone on the surface has their head where the sun don't shine. It means blaming all our shortcomings on COMPANY weedership and not offering to do anything to help increase demand or grow the business. We got ours and it makes sense. Senior guys, look the other way while we give up your long range flying to the very European Pilots we helped organize. Scope is more than mouthwash, but it ain't supplemental lift! Inflexibility means we protect ours at all costs - even if we have to sacrifice the very junior and very senior.
Can-Do: We can do anything we want, and we have proven that. We can blame COMPANY weedership for failure. We can demand that Omaha either shut us down or sell us (because we ARE NOT like toxic mold in a house, right? Everyone wants endemic, and manufactured, strife, right?) and shutting us down is in Lord Lupee's best interest as an inflexible, hard-line, revisionist history leader, so I trust him implicitly. He can do what he wants with my dues money and that's OK with me.
Hell: The Hell Principle is simple enough. We will continue to organize until we wither fulfill our dream of upholding the interests of the national union, or getting our COMPANY weedership fired, or selling the company, which should be easy to do, since we are in no way regarded as an example of endemic labor strife or toxic mold in a house that's for sale. We can put our careers in the same handbasket that Lord Lupees will take to Hell with his super organizing resume where he can move on and have a lucritive retirement with big labor. I am in.
I am no longer QSG. I am his little lion, his Biotch. I wuv his stwategy and I an gonna eat it aww up. "Nam nam nam nam nam. That's some good S-H-I-T S-A-N-D-W-I-C-H he's feedin' us. Yum!"
- Meow!
LQSG
Luppees QS Goose
Hell: The Hell Principle is simple enough. We will continue to organize until we wither fulfill our dream of upholding the interests of the national union, or getting our COMPANY weedership fired, or selling the company, which should be easy to do, since we are in no way regarded as an example of endemic labor strife or toxic mold in a house that's for sale. We can put our careers in the same handbasket that Lord Lupees will take to Hell with his super organizing resume where he can move on and have a lucritive retirement with big labor. I am in.
I am no longer QSG. I am his little lion, his Biotch. I wuv his stwategy and I an gonna eat it aww up. "Nam nam nam nam nam. That's some good S-H-I-T S-A-N-D-W-I-C-H he's feedin' us. Yum!"
- Meow!
LQSG
Luppees QS Goose
